eight of swords

trapped / powerless / anxiety / confinement //

it’s been almost six years since my brain broke and the fear that i will slip back into that madness persists, though it has lessened greatly since then. these days my brain functions with low-level anxiety and depression more or less constantly, a consequence, perhaps, of living through such times as we are.

the suit of swords being associated with the mind, and thoughts, makes it easy to think of anxiety. (not to mention the fact that so many of them explicitly mention anxiety, or nightmares, or betrayal, and so on.) what is anxiety, after all, if not “thoughts, but too much”?

that said, i don’t think they all have to be negative. when i look at this specific eight of swords, for instance, i see protection. i see change or transformation. the clouds at the bottom of the card give it a sense of movement; this is not how things will always be.

what an important reminder, that. one of the most insidious things about depression and anxiety is that they lie to you. they tell you that things will never be any different than they are now. but that’s a lie.

nothing keeps the same form forever. remember that, darlings, even when it seems like everything is stagnant.

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this week’s deck: personal space tarot
this week’s flower: i have an embarrassing number of dried roses in my apartment
this week’s rock: selenite