earlier in my life, i wanted nothing more to be partnered; i thought it would make me understood, make me whole. i had been raised on fairy tales and disney movies, and i knew that happily ever after only came with a partnership.
there are many things to say about the problems with disney movies, and many words have been written about my favorite, beauty and the beast. i know the arguments, that belle’s love for the beast is a product of stockholm syndrome, that it’s an abusive relationship, that she starts out as his prisoner so how can she really love him. i get it, i do.
but this movie is also one of my Most Formative Influences. belle was my favorite princess as a child, the one i related most to. she was weird, and bookish, and had brown hair - all things i was, too.
when i revisited the movie last year, though, i found myself having a lot of Big Queer Feelings about the beast.
i came out for the first time at the age of fourteen, by telling my best friend that i liked her and that i wanted nothing to change. before that, though, when i realized i liked girls, i called myself all kinds of names in my diary. i wish they had been as tame as “monster.” (i wish i could go back in time and give my younger self a hug. i wish i could tell her that it will be all right.)
so i was a young monster, in love with a beautiful girl, and i had no idea what to do with those feelings.
as with the beast, the way to lift the curse was to be open and vulnerable. eventually, there was even a happy ending, as that girl remains one of my oldest and dearest friends.
the lovers is a card everyone thinks they understand: a card about love, particularly romantic; a card about partnership; a card about relationships. and it is, or can be! but i prefer an alternate reading. i like what the guide book for the mesquite tarot says about the lovers: “sometimes it is […] letting go of fear, not foolishly, but with open eyes and a generous heart.”
darlings, this week, let’s be brave and full of love, for ourselves and for our friends and for our partners. let’s not be afraid. let’s be vulnerable. let’s lift whatever curses may be placed on us from childhood.
this week’s deck: the wooden tarot
this week’s crystals: rose quartz